Sunday, March 21, 2010

Why Does This Weekend Have to End?

I actually had a really amazing weekend. My first great weekend in a really long time. B planned us a spa getaway in Williamsburg....he's awesome, I know. I needed it. All the really nice comments helped a lot too...thanks so much for those.

This is SIL's "surprise" (the surprise she's know about since January) shower weekend and he knew I would need to get my mind off of it.
It was great. No school stuff, no work stuff, no laptop, no nothing....just relaxing. I had the most amazing massage everrrrrrrrrr on Saturday morning. We walked around Colonial Williamsburg and laughed like we had just was great.
Sooooo, now back to reality. And boy is it real....We've got a lot going on right now....

  • Counseling appointments
  • Acupuncture appointments
  • Working out plans for vacation
  • Working out plans for our IVF after vacation
  • We are buying a house, debating if we should sell or rent the current house...
  • Oh, and work.

Let the good times roll....

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I'm sorry...

All of my post thus far have been soooo, oh, I don't know....depressing. This is not who I really am. It's like sometimes something just goes off inside me. I keep telling myself it's just a phase...and I'll get through it...eventually.
I promise to perk it up a bit.

Can I get a damn break please?

I need to get over it right? People just don't get it. For fucks sake. Please excuse my french. I am pissed. No, I do not normally talk this way. Sorry if I offended anyone. Really, I'm sorry about the F word.
Just got an email from my SIL. Who is very pregnant. We would be giving birth around the same time, had my first pregnancy with Mr. B not been ectopic. Anyway, got an email from her sharing some online portraits. I should have known right? But instead of trusting my gut, I looked at them. And what do I of her enormous (but effing beautiful) pregnant belly, and her absolutely glowing family.
Can I get a freakin' break please? Or at least a warning via text message or something? Don't just throw them in my damn lap. I mean really. Dear, dear (mentally insane) SIL, you KNOW I have lost 2 pregnancies in the last eight months. Can I get a break please?

Friday, March 5, 2010

Insensitive people make me effing sick.....

I have some realllllllyyyyy insensitive family members. Well, maybe it's just that I am toooo sensitive right now. The baby stuff can really turn your arse into a wimp.
All I have to say about that is thank God that my immediate (and I do mean immediate, very immediate) family is very understanding and compassionate about what me and Mr. B are going through.
On another note (but kind of on the same note) Facebook is like an infertile woman's worst enemy. The constant ultrasound photo's turned profile photo can really make you feel some things. A lot, and I mean A LOT of my friends are FB are expecting. I am super happy and excited for most of them, but it seems like my more extended family will say/post the most insensitive things. I guess now I understand why Mr. B won't add certain people....I may have to take his advice and do some serious deleting to preserve my feelings until I can get over this hump.
I know that I cannot expect everyone out there to not post certain things or watch what they say just because of ME, but I'm just sayin' that I would be more sensitive for them.
Now really on another note, we had an AH-MAZ-ING time at the concert Wednesday night. It was the most fun I've had literally, in months. Thanks for the tickets my secret know exactly who you are. And, if you are reading this and you are into hip-hop and have never seen Jay-Z me, you NEED to get on that.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Too Many Emotions

Wow...I feel like my head and heart are going to explode. Sooooo many emotions over the past week. I guess I'll get the hang of this blogging thing soon and update more regularly....But last week was pretty crazy and this week is off to a hectic start too.

Anyway, I am a godmother! I'm soooo excited about it, but its bittersweet too. She (my goddaughter) is an absolute doll and I'm so happy that she is here safe and sound. But every time I look down at here all I can think about is my own situation. Am I a crazy, selfish person? Sometimes that's how I feel. Initially, when my cousin (the 18 year old) asked me to be her godmother I was unsure about it. But I just focused on putting my own situation aside and thought of how huge a blessing it is to be asked something like that. Maybe God is trying to tell me something....who knows. But anyway, I just love her to pieces and I'm so excited about having a relationship with her. Mr. B thinks she is an absolute doll too, and she is actually the first infant he has ever held. Almost brought tears to my eyes...again, thinking about him becoming a dad one day.

Went to acupuncture for the first time a few days ago and I have to say it was pretty awesome. The acupuncturist was very nice and told me that he has had several women become pregnant after treatment with him. Of course, this is great news that I will try to keep planted in the front of my mind when the time for IVF rolls around. It was super hard for me to relax, but towards the end of the session my mind calmed down a bit and I was able to close my eyes and relax. I guess with more sessions I will get the hang of it. Can't wait to go back.

Not much happening on the whole baby making front for us. We are taking a forced 3 month break after the ectopic and methotrexate shot. I guess its good and I shouldn't be too bummed about it. In this 3 month time frame, I'm hoping to loose some weight, focus on Mr. B and enjoy my vacation to the Dominican Republic on May 1st.

Nothing really eventful happening around here. OH! I am going to a concert tomorrow night that I am super excited about. Jay-Z, Trey Songz and some other R&B / Hip Hop folks....can't wait. More soon.....