Not My Natural Glow

I've been a terrible blogger...I know. I'm sorry friends out there. So much has happened since I last posted in June. But one really huge thing happened in August.

I got pregnant.

After 3 IUI's and 2 ectopics, I got pregnant.

Naturally.

And in the right place - not in my tubes.

So here I am. 20w5d pregnant.

I still cannot believe it and often find myself in a state of disbelief. But, its happening. I am having a baby. So, there you have it. Not a natural glow friends, I finally have news.

Thought for today....

I LOVE THIS! Just had to share....
"I see myself attracting only those in harmony with my current intent. And I am getting clearer and clearer in every moment about what it is that I want. It matters not what others are choosing...what is important is that I am pleased with me; and as I see myself, I certainly am."

Quote of the day & updates...

I don't know about all of you out there, but I know that sometimes powerful quotes help to uplift me and give me some positive direction and focus. So, I figured that when I come across something especially moving, that I would share it. So here goes.....

"My life is unlimited in every respect"

This means so much to me because dealing with IF for the past 2 years has really started to put these huge boundaries up in my life. Friendships, work, happiness - just about everything, has been limited since we have been having trouble conceiving. You know what? I think I'm done with that. Screw you infertility. I'm going to live my life. AND it is going to be awesome. I WILL have fulfilling, meaningful friendships. I WILL pursue my dream and start my own business. I WILL get back to being a healthy person. And I WILL be a mother.

So, speaking of becoming a mother, here is the latest on the baby making front. Mr. B and I are thinking about switching to a new RE. Our current doc has been great getting us through 2 ectopic pregnancies, but we have some concerns. 1) She seemed to rush us through testing and getting on with the first IUI without an actual diagnosis. Now, she's thinking back to things she's seen on prior ultrasounds and whatnot, so the verdict is PCOS all of a sudden. Um, hello...this should have been square ONE. 2)She can be very vague when I question her. It's like pulling teeth to get a clear answer from her. 3) She is closing her Alexandria, VA office which is total bummer for me. I work in Alexandria and she is literally on my way into work in the morning which makes it super convenient for all that 7:30 AM blood work. There are a few other things on the list, but those are major for us. We have an appointment at Shady Grove in Woodbridge next week for a consultation. I am really hoping it works out because this office is close to where we live and would make monitoring a lot less of a headache. The plan is to hopefully have things in line around October for an IVF. Anyone have any feedback on Northern VA Shady Grove? Holla at a sista please.

I'm excited thinking about the future...I'm working on managing my PCOS with diet and exercise, taking a mind/body fertility workshop, and still going to therapy and acupuncture. I'm just going to be persistent with everything and HOPE for the best. My life is unlimited...remember?

Hot diggity damn

God has a funny way of showing us things, doesn't he?
Why is it that we don't always want to listen until it is literally staring at you dead in the face...
I learn the hard way...for some reason I have always learned things the hard way. But today, there are a few things that have just suddenly become so crystal clear to me.
I am not normally so openly religious or spiritual. But right now I just have to say "thank you Lord". Thank you for showing me so clearly what I needed to see. I can honestly say right now without a doubt that I know what time it is...I know what I need to do.
And from this moment forward, I am going to be F-O-C-U-S-E-D on getting it done.

Tis all,

Nothing Exciting

My doctor thinks I have PCOS.
I am now taking Metformin.
Metformin is NOT the business.
I am having my first visit from the most evil bish in the world (yall know who I mean), and it is torture being that it is my first period since February after the ectopic pregnancy.
Nothing much exciting happening with me these days....

Still Kicking....

Yup, it's official, I'm a terrible blogger. Already...only 4 months in and I'm a freakin' terrible blogger. Umph umph umph. I'm going to do better. Really. I am. Stick with me friends.

So, B and I got back from vacay last night and it was beyond awesome. We were in Punta Cana for an entire week and I can't say enough amazing things about that place. This actually wasn't our first time there; we went on our honeymoon two years ago. We totally relaxed, attended my aunt's beautiful wedding and just had a great time with family. We do this quite often, the whole family vacation thing. Next year (that's right gals, your girl B is a TRUE planner, which makes this whole infertility thing quite ironic - already working on next years family vacay) we are going to Hawaii, so give me your recs on which island we should go to and some fun things to plan.

But on another note...it's Mother's Day. Rough, rough day today. I really don't know what else to say about it. Last year was rough too, but that was before we started seeing our RE and before the IUI's. I guess we were just so hopeful and optimistic that next year (this year) would be our year. And here we are. The feeling on this Mother's Day is so much more painful; knowing what was, and then wasn't, and then what could have been on this day. So here we are. Hoping and praying that next year we'll be able to join in the Hallmark holidays with those close to us.

Although it is difficult, I do hope that all the moms and expecting moms out there had a fabulous day filled with joy and love. And to those of us still waiting....here's to next year.

Dear Negative Voice Inside....

I'm going to need you to please shut the hell up. Yes, this pregnancy, motherhood thing is going to happen for me one day. I am working very hard at putting myself back together after 2 losses and the last thing I need is you constantly ruining my mood. I'm so over you and so over letting you control who I am. Tis all.

Thanks,
B.